Chaordic Mind

“We can only lose what we cling to!”
– Buddha

Many of us live by a set of beliefs accumulated over the course of our lifetime.  We use these rules to navigate the possibilities of life.  Some of them are positive rules that save us (e.g. “Don’t touch a hot stove”) but some of them are limiting (e.g. “I can’t do it.  It’s too hard”).  Sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves if the limitations in our life are self-imposed or actual.  I believe that many times the rules by which we find ourselves constrained are self-imposed.

When life appears to be unfair, when bad things happen to good people, this is when you have the opportunity to give up or to change the rules of the game.  It’s these game changing moves that enable you to conquer your fears in new and creative ways.  You can change the rules of the game in several ways, here are but a few:

1. Change your beliefs: I live by the mantra that “nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer.”  Why is it that we limit ourselves by what we think is impossible?  Why do we obey the rules of our belief when our opponent does not?  Why is it that we enable others to walk over us?  Only by changing your belief can you break down the barriers that you have constructed and consider the possibility of out-of-the-box innovation.
2. Change the rules: In life many of us abide by a path that we feel has been laid our for us or is predestined to occur.  We get frustrated when we feel deviations from that path in the same way we feel the rumble strip on the edge of the road.  These path barriers move us in a direction that we “feel” is the “right path.”  We cling to our path because it has been a part of us for so many years.  Only when you accept variance in your path are you free and open to new possibilities.  By accepting change and alternative outcomes we free ourselves to new futures and alternative happiness.

When we stop clinging to self-imposed beliefs and prescriptive paths we free within ourselves the possibility of the impossible.

Here are a few new rules that you may want to consider.

1. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
2. Do Something
3. “To thine own self be true.” – Shakespeare
4. Our lives are the stories we tell ourselves.
5. Don’t live by anyone else’s rules, go make your own.

“That which does not kill me makes me stronger” (or “Quod non me destruit, me nutrit” in Latin)
– Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888
German philosopher (1844 – 1900)

In becoming fearless, you must remember that setbacks are not bad, they only strengthen you.  These moments of fear, however real and physical, can be leveraged in the same way that martial artists leverage the weight of their opponent against them.  If you look at an event as a negative impact that cannot be overcome you have lost.  The moment you recognize the glass is still have full you have overcome that fear and are reborn as a soldier of positive thought.

Nietzsche was correct in that hard times make us stronger individuals that are better able to navigate the treacherous waters ahead.  No doubt there will be high and low points in your life, but what makes you who you are is how you react to these highs and lows in life.  Be humble during the high points and strong during the low points.

“We must travel in the direction of our fear.”
–John Berryman

If you only knew me 15 years ago.  In high school I took a required class called “speech.”  Each student needed to stand up and give a 1 minute talk, then 2 minutes, then 5, then 10, then a 30 minute talk over the course of the semester.  If you could not fill the time with words you simply had to stand there for your allotted time.

According to the Book of Lists the fear of public speaking ranks number one in the minds of the majority of people. Far above the fear of death and disease, comes the fear of standing in front of a crowd.  I remember standing in front of the class, mortified of public speaking, and having nothing to say to fill my time.

If you had told me then that my day job would involve presenting on stage for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I would have said you’re insane.  I remember one day realizing that I needed to round out my skills by confronting those that I feared most (and did poorly).  I applied to as many conferences as I could and eventually some accepted me (call it the law of numbers).  The first few presentations were bad, but facing my fear helped me erode it.

A few years later, I was swapping entertainment and public speaking tips with friends and could not wait to get on stage again.  Today, you can put me in front of a crowd and I’ll talk continuously until you pull me off and send me home.  I’ll talk your ear off if you listen long enough.  I confronted my fear and turned it into a profession.

When you fear something, face it head on.  Do not give in.  Do not run from it.  Travel in the direction of it.

Fearless is an interesting word, for in fact, in being fearless you are not without fear, rather you are withstanding fear. You are moving forward in spite of it. Writing a very short story requires a degree of fearlessness, and I think reading one does also. I have deep respect for the very short story for many reasons, perhaps most profoundly for its fearlessness.
–Meredith Pignon

One of the things about becoming fearless is embracing your fears and adjusting to them.  If your fear is writing then you should do it more and more until you think of it as an extension of your being.  If your new fear is getting published you need to do it more and more (even if just on your blog) so you can get over the feeling of fear associated with doing something new.

Remember buying your first house?  Remember buying your second?  Wasn’t it so much easier after you had been through the unknown once?  Easier that you had mapped out and faced those fears head on.  When it is the unknown that drives your fear, the way to overcome it is to make the unknown known.