Chaordic Mind

One of my favorite rules to live by is that “nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer.”  This is a short story about how the underdogs leveraged their collective to create something much greater than the sum of their individual parts.  Security B-Sides was born out of a realization that all physical events are bound by two most structured rules, that of space and time.

No we are not talking about physics but the simple fact that regardless of the number of smart people in the world all physical events will only have enough physical room for X number of people across Y amount of time.  For many conferences this means physical walls constraining the number of presenters and attendees across a time period of a few days.  Thus a problem arises:  The scarcity of those limited seats increases in proportion to the interest in them.

The Internet is a natural solution with sites like BrightTALK hosting virtual conferences.  Online you are not limited by space and time with every piece of information now accessible any time of day to (virtually) anyone on the planet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge advocate of social networking but I equally believe that in the absence of physical networking the online social world is little more than high-speed news flashes.  The ghost of the machine is the physical flesh and bone behind them.

Why Security B-Sides?

Security B-Sides is the first do-it-yourself (DIY), grass-roots, open security conference in the world.  B-Sides does to physical events what the Internet did to TV and radio — it expands the spectrum of conversation and gives voice to those further down the long tail.  These events are by security professionals and for security professionals.  It works like this:

1. Not many people have the experience to organize and host a conference.  In addition most events cost money and lots of it.
2. Oh sure, we could do it all for you but where would the fun be in that?
3. Instead of creating an event, we’ve created the infrastructure, tools, and documents, basically conference-in-a-box.  We are lowering the barrier to entry for anyone to create their own local event.
4. And let’s make it free, open to everyone, and publish all the details about how we did it online.

Yeah, that sounds a whole lot better.  Sounds easy huh?  Only by working together can we make the impossible easy.  Only through collaborative, chaordic design do we find order in chaos.  I greatly appreciate the following quote by Dee Hock, Founder and Chairman Emeritus, Visa Inc.

“It is no failure to fall short of realizing all that we might dream.

The failure is to fall short of dreaming all that we might realize”

Birth of a New Machine

I believe that small unconferences are the natural expansion of all events and have been for quite some time.  After the exclusive FOO Camp (Friends Of O’Reilly) a small collective used PBWorks to launch the Barcamp movement.  These small, 1-day events expand the level of physical interaction.  They are more than stuffy sales pitches but typically driven entirely by the geeks that love them.

It is by volunteers alone that these events occur, as people come together to create a day long shrine to knowledge and innovation.  Most recently ZACon, in South Africa,  launched with a great volume of speakers.  Most of the speakers and attendees helped organize the event in one way or another.  They published video recordings of all the talks along with their presentation materials online for free.

The geeks rise again as BSidesBay launches next Saturday (12/12) at HackerDojo in Mountain View, CA.  This event is a tribute to the DIY culture that exists in Silicon Valley and around the world.  Here’s how it works:

• How do I register? Add yourself to the list.
• How do I suggest topics? Add them to the list.
• What materials will be discussed? Check the list and bring your own ideas to share.
• Can I get a list of attendees? For sure, it’s all open and online.
• Will my friends be there? Only if you bring them or they forget to bring you.

Can events like this really work?  They can and do work very well.  Check it out and let us know what you think.

This is only the first of many Security B-Sides events.  Check out the main page and look follow information via twitter or the mailing list (low volume).

There once was a boy who wished to be immortal.  It was not until much later in his life that he learned the implications of such a wish and how to handle it actually coming true.

On Becoming Immortal

As a young boy he enjoyed reading comic books and walking to the park where he spent many sunny afternoons staring up into the sky and imagining what it would be like to have each of the various super powers that he read about in his comics.  He would replay parts of his life in his mind and interject a super power into the story.  One day was invisibility where he could hide from his parents and listen to them talk without either knowing he was there.  Another day his ability to fly enabled him to escape the local bully or soar to new places around the world which he had until then only ever watched on TV.

Of all the super powers he would imagine it is immortality that fascinated him the most.  With the ability to live forever he could accomplish anything.  He could save up his allowance in order to buy things he now only imagined.  He could visit every place he imagined flying and never run out of time.  Even at an early age he realized that the most precious thing we have as mortals is that of time.

His desire to use his time wisely drove and motivated him.  He worked hard growing up, hustling when necessary, to get ahead.  He studied in high school to get into college and there to get a good job.  With a job would come money and with that more time to spend as he wished.  His master plan was set in motion and nothing would stop him.  Nothing until that one fatal day that would derail his carefully crafted plans and change the course of his life forever.

Discovering Immortality

It was a sunny day and he was crossing his college campus considering yet another option for optimizing his life.  Wrapped up in though and reading a book while walking (to save time), he didn’t notice the crosswalk said STOP, nor did he notice the bus headed in his direction.  A screech of tires. He looked up just in time to see the bus hit him at 35 miles per hour.

The next thing he remembered was coughing very hard as he gasped for air.  A bright light shone in his eyes and for a moment he thought about the afterlife.  Then a shadow blotted out the sun and he saw the face of a stranger asking if he was OK.  He had just survived being thrown 50 feet down the street and landing on his back.  People stood around whispering in amazement.  He scrambled to his feet and quickly ran off to escape the attention.

That moment introduced him to his own super power – Immortality!  Finally, he would have the time and eventually the money to do anything and everything he ever wanted to.  Happiness was close at hand and he wanted it all.

Discovering What Happiness is Not

Over the years he began doing everything he ever wanted to.

• Explore the Wonders of the World? Check.
• Lead tours of the Trans-Siberian Railway? Check.
• Become conversationally fluent in Mandarin? Check.
• Hitchhike around the world? Check.

He would immerse himself in various projects and hobbies until he had mastered them and then move on to the next, only sometimes staying within any one realm for a prolonged number of years.  Each day was another opportunity to do something new and become better at the current task-de-jour.

As the years went by he began to amass great wealth and with money came the ability to do even more.  He never acquired goods for anything other than investing and cashing out decades later.  Instead he used his wealth to access items and events reserved for the rich and powerful.

• Richard Mille 012 Tourbillion watch? Check.
• Driving a Ferrari down the Champs-Élysées during Bastille Day? Check.
• Invitation to the Bohemian Club? Check.
• Invitation to the World Economic Forum in Davos? Check.

The list of invite-only luxury events and items seemed as endless as the original list of must-do events he had planned before the money poured in.  It was still not enough.  He wanted more but since his super power did not enable him to be in all places at the same time he found himself missing out on opportunities.  He missed the Renaissance in Europe because he was exploring the Himalayas for a few years.  He missed the 60s in San Francisco because he was teaching English in Japan for 10 years.  He missed the gathering of famous and influential people throughout history because he simply wasn’t in the right place at the right time.

As time passed he learned that he could not be everywhere at once nor could he predict where “the” place to be would happen next.  It was like a surfer who wanted to ride each major wave around the world but never knowing where they would be.  The longer he lived the more his realization of his eternal tomb began to crystallize.  He had accidentally stumbled upon his childhood dream and now his greatest dream had become his worst nightmare.

Discovering the Internet

The advent of the Internet brought with it the possibility of infinite, ubiquitous, real-time information to anyone at any time.  This seemed the solution to all his problems.  The immortal could now know the exact moment of every major event and would never miss a historical or exclusive event again.  There is a saying that “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men…”

The Internet brought with it the ability for him to know where and when each event was but it did not make him an organic part of it.  Instead of expanding the number of experiences he could have it only expanded the number of moments he could experience as a sideline bystander.  Instead of being a part of a movement he was now only an observer, lessening each experience as he raced to see them all.  The Internet had not improved his situation it only decreased the signal to noise ratio – introducing a greater number of less valuable experiences.

Discovering Happiness

It is said that immortality does not provide a solution, it only prolongs the problem.  The power of immortality brought with it many wonderful experiences but took away one very valuable experience – that of growing old.  Most of us do not look forward to growing old but each stage of live brings with it special lessons that are hard to learn until you arrive at that stage.  All of our life we are looking forward to the next thing: our first date, our first kiss, out first sexual experience, our next job, our fashion, our car, our wallet, our retirement, our vacation, our life ahead.  It is not until we come close to the end that we begin to reflect.

Becoming old and closer to death enables you to reflect in a way you never have before.  It’s not about reflecting on a moment or a relationship or a job.  It’s a much more holistic reflection on our life and times.  We begin to experience a regret not of commission but regrets of omission.  While we were looking forward to the next item and stage in life, what had we missed?

Around 300 BC it was Theophrastus who first wrote in Diogenes Laertius that “time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.”  This phrase has been repeated in various forms for over 2000 years.  The question yet asked is, if time is the most valuable thing to spend then what is the most valuable thing to spend it on?

Many answer this with the three traditional virtues of god, family, country.  I challenge there is a more basic element that makes up these three and all the other items of purchase for an immortal, one with infinite amounts of the most valuable currency.

Experience.  It’s that simple.

Experience

I challenge that experience is the most valuable thing one can buy with the most valuable thing one can spend, time.  By this I do not mean the experiences one can buy with money like a roller coaster ride, airline flight, or guided travel experience.  By experience I mean those impossibly personal and intimate moments that you can only achieve through time spent with another individual, learning a skill, or living as part of a culture.  It very much is the journey, not the destination.

There was once a book wherein the main character went sleep walking every night and every morning he woke up not knowing what happened the day before.  He went to a doctor and said he woke up bleeding, probably from a fight during his sleeping hours.  Instead of trying to cure this he told the doctor that to him experience was the most valuable item, so be it a great love of a bloody fight, which he had never experienced before, he wanted them all.

Although I do not condone fighting I do think we should all consider how we spend our time, who we spend it with and what we spend it doing.  Are you making the most out of your time?  Are you leveraging it to maximize your experiences?  Consider for a moment that you do not need more money or time, but need to learn how to better spend what you already have.

I sometimes reflect on the most influential themes in my life and decided to list a few here.  Of the many people I have crossed paths with in life each has passed along some bit of advice or action that I’ve learned from.  Sometimes these lessons come by means of a message or characteristic that I want to emulate or avoid.  The following are three of the most critical rules by which I’ve learned to live.

1. Nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer

My Mom always believed in me even when there was no reason to.  Many times she would tell me that I can do anything I put my mind to.  She really had no reason to say this to me.  As a child she had never seen me accomplish something wonderful or amazing.  She did not base her beliefs on past experience and well calculated prediction models.  She based them on faith.

One day she bought me a t-shirts that read “future Nobel Prize winner.”  My mother is a woman of faith which is the only reason I can give for such action and belief.  Perhaps the only things parents ever can have is faith, but she repeated it to me so many times that even I began to believe.  I learned that always there would be people smarter, faster, or more creative than me.  It was that faith that gave me the secret weapon of brute force.

I would try longer, harder, and with more ferocity than others because I knew that I could achieve anything I put my mind to.  I am still of the belief that even if you do not know the right direction to go, it is better to run as hard as you can in the direction you think is right.  The faster you find the wrong path, the sooner you will turn around and run towards the right one.  Life is too short to ever simply wait and hope for the best.

Victory goes to those who believe in the impossible.

2. Learn the good, avoid the bad

I recall vividly driving to work with my Dad one day and he told me something in passing as part of a rare father-son moment.  He told me that I would come across all types of people in my life, but I would be most successful if I incorporated into my life the positive good they expressed and learned to avoid the bad.  That little talk may seem rather benign, and even writing it now sound like simple advice, but put into practice it can be a very powerful tool.

I believe that in each of us there is the ability for great good and great evil.  We express this in part by our actions or lack thereof.  I know that I cannot live a thousand lifetimes but I can learn from the lives of thousands of others.  I can listen to their stories, observe their actions, and learn to incorporate into mine the very best of each.

Call it the Highlander of social interactions, but it works.

3. Never stop improving

I once wanted to be a writer.  Not a blogger but a writer of books.  In my search I called people I knew who were great presenters and writers.  I recall pacing the hallway of an office building in Chicago when I called Richard Thieme and talked with him about my desires to become a writer.  He told me one very valuable thing.

“Never stop improving.”  He said that the moment you stop improving in your writing, or any domain for that matter, is the moment you might want to consider moving on to a new one.  I believe he is correct.  I believe to stagnate is to die the slow and painful death of mediocrity.

Genius vs Insanity

Remember that the line between genius an insanity is short, but so is the line between good and great.  Many people in this world are good at what they do but so very few are truly great.  The reason for this is not because they lack the skills but because the refuse to apply the skills.  The reason people do not become great is because they think is impossible, they do not learn from others, or they simply give up.

Begin each day by asking yourself if today is going to be a good day or a great one.

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” – Frederick Nietzsche

In this week’s This American Life, David Rakoff reads from his “Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace” wherein he tell the tale of the scorpion and tortoise.  Some people prefer the saying, “fooled once shame on you, fooled twice shame on me.”  Whatever your version, I find this story very telling of life and how one should learn from their mistakes.

The scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all aquiver;

just how would he manage to get across the river?

“The water’s so deep,” he observed with a sigh,

which pricked at the ears of the tortoise nearby.

“Well why don’t you swim?” asked the slow-moving fellow,

“unless you’re afraid. I mean, what are you, yellow?”

“It isn’t a matter of fear or of whim,”

said the scorpion,

“but that i don’t know how to swim.”

“Ah, forgive me. I didn’t mean to be glib when

I said that. I figured you were an amphibian.”

“No offense taken,” the scorpion replied,

“but how about you help me to reach the far side?

You swim like a dream, and you have what I lack.

Let’s say you take me across on your back?”

“I’m really not sure that’s the best thing to do,”

said the tortoise, “now that I see that it’s you.

You’ve a less than ideal reputation preceding:

there’s talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.

You’re the scorpion — and how can I say this — but, well,

I just don’t feel safe with you riding my shell.”

The scorpion replied, “What would killing you prove?

We’d both drown, so tell me: how would that behoove

me to basically die at my very own hand

when all I desire is to be on dry land?”

The tortoise considered the scorpion’s defense.

When he gave it some thought, it made perfect sense.

The niggling voice in his mind he ignored,

and he swam to the bank and called out: “Climb aboard!”

But just a few moments from when they set sail,

the scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.

The tortoise too late understood that he’d blundered

when he felt his flesh stabbed and his carapace sundered.

As he fought for his life, he said, “tell me why

you have done this! For now we will surely both die!”

“I don’t know!” cried the scorpion. “You never should trust

a creature like me because poison I must!

I’d claim some remorse or at least some compunction,

but I just can’t help it; my form is my function.

You thought I’d behave like my cousin, the crab,

but unlike him, it is but my nature to stab.”

The tortoise expired with one final quiver.

And then both of them sank, swallowed up by the river.

The tortoise was wrong to ignore all his doubts —

because in the end, friends, our natures wins out.

What lesson it there to learn from this?  I learned my lesson from the above, but David sees a much rosier side to it all than I do.  The following is his lesson to all.

So: what can we learn from their watery ends?

Is there some lesson on how to be friends?

I think what it means is that central to living

a life that is good is a life that’s forgiving.

We’re creatures of contact, regardless of whether

we kiss or we wound. Still, we must come together.

Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more —

since it beats staying dry but so lonely on shore.

So we make ourselves open while knowing full well

it’s essentially saying, “please, come pierce my shell.”

“We can only lose what we cling to!”
– Buddha

Many of us live by a set of beliefs accumulated over the course of our lifetime.  We use these rules to navigate the possibilities of life.  Some of them are positive rules that save us (e.g. “Don’t touch a hot stove”) but some of them are limiting (e.g. “I can’t do it.  It’s too hard”).  Sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves if the limitations in our life are self-imposed or actual.  I believe that many times the rules by which we find ourselves constrained are self-imposed.

When life appears to be unfair, when bad things happen to good people, this is when you have the opportunity to give up or to change the rules of the game.  It’s these game changing moves that enable you to conquer your fears in new and creative ways.  You can change the rules of the game in several ways, here are but a few:

1. Change your beliefs: I live by the mantra that “nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer.”  Why is it that we limit ourselves by what we think is impossible?  Why do we obey the rules of our belief when our opponent does not?  Why is it that we enable others to walk over us?  Only by changing your belief can you break down the barriers that you have constructed and consider the possibility of out-of-the-box innovation.
2. Change the rules: In life many of us abide by a path that we feel has been laid our for us or is predestined to occur.  We get frustrated when we feel deviations from that path in the same way we feel the rumble strip on the edge of the road.  These path barriers move us in a direction that we “feel” is the “right path.”  We cling to our path because it has been a part of us for so many years.  Only when you accept variance in your path are you free and open to new possibilities.  By accepting change and alternative outcomes we free ourselves to new futures and alternative happiness.

When we stop clinging to self-imposed beliefs and prescriptive paths we free within ourselves the possibility of the impossible.

Here are a few new rules that you may want to consider.

1. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
2. Do Something
3. “To thine own self be true.” – Shakespeare
4. Our lives are the stories we tell ourselves.
5. Don’t live by anyone else’s rules, go make your own.

“That which does not kill me makes me stronger” (or “Quod non me destruit, me nutrit” in Latin)
– Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888
German philosopher (1844 – 1900)

In becoming fearless, you must remember that setbacks are not bad, they only strengthen you.  These moments of fear, however real and physical, can be leveraged in the same way that martial artists leverage the weight of their opponent against them.  If you look at an event as a negative impact that cannot be overcome you have lost.  The moment you recognize the glass is still have full you have overcome that fear and are reborn as a soldier of positive thought.

Nietzsche was correct in that hard times make us stronger individuals that are better able to navigate the treacherous waters ahead.  No doubt there will be high and low points in your life, but what makes you who you are is how you react to these highs and lows in life.  Be humble during the high points and strong during the low points.

“We must travel in the direction of our fear.”
–John Berryman

If you only knew me 15 years ago.  In high school I took a required class called “speech.”  Each student needed to stand up and give a 1 minute talk, then 2 minutes, then 5, then 10, then a 30 minute talk over the course of the semester.  If you could not fill the time with words you simply had to stand there for your allotted time.

According to the Book of Lists the fear of public speaking ranks number one in the minds of the majority of people. Far above the fear of death and disease, comes the fear of standing in front of a crowd.  I remember standing in front of the class, mortified of public speaking, and having nothing to say to fill my time.

If you had told me then that my day job would involve presenting on stage for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I would have said you’re insane.  I remember one day realizing that I needed to round out my skills by confronting those that I feared most (and did poorly).  I applied to as many conferences as I could and eventually some accepted me (call it the law of numbers).  The first few presentations were bad, but facing my fear helped me erode it.

A few years later, I was swapping entertainment and public speaking tips with friends and could not wait to get on stage again.  Today, you can put me in front of a crowd and I’ll talk continuously until you pull me off and send me home.  I’ll talk your ear off if you listen long enough.  I confronted my fear and turned it into a profession.

When you fear something, face it head on.  Do not give in.  Do not run from it.  Travel in the direction of it.

Fearless is an interesting word, for in fact, in being fearless you are not without fear, rather you are withstanding fear. You are moving forward in spite of it. Writing a very short story requires a degree of fearlessness, and I think reading one does also. I have deep respect for the very short story for many reasons, perhaps most profoundly for its fearlessness.
–Meredith Pignon

One of the things about becoming fearless is embracing your fears and adjusting to them.  If your fear is writing then you should do it more and more until you think of it as an extension of your being.  If your new fear is getting published you need to do it more and more (even if just on your blog) so you can get over the feeling of fear associated with doing something new.

Remember buying your first house?  Remember buying your second?  Wasn’t it so much easier after you had been through the unknown once?  Easier that you had mapped out and faced those fears head on.  When it is the unknown that drives your fear, the way to overcome it is to make the unknown known.

My family and I have been going through some turmoil.  I am confident we will prevail.  I know things will get better soon and wounds will heal.  I know that “this too shall pass.”

A family member sent me an email today reminding me that whatever is happening now is not nearly the bottom.  I think of those families mourning over the loss of loved ones on 9/11 and the hard times that existed for all those who came before us.  I feel comforted by the fact that I am truly standing on the shoulders of giants.

Here is the memory (names removed or changed to protect their identity):

When things seem at their worst remember your forebears.  I’m thinking of your grandfather and great grandfather.  Your great grandfather was born in 1882 and fought in World War I.   He became very well to do running a garage in Czernowitz which changed from Austro-Hungary to Romania in his youth. The country changed and the language and government changed. From straight-laced Austria to a country where baksheesh or bribery ruled.  In 1941, when he 54, the Russians came and in two days took over all the businesses. Your great grandfather gave them the key to his shop and his home and the entire family left on two days notice with only a suitcase.

Your grandfather who was drafted into the Romanian army spent the war in an American POW camp after being wounded.  My mother did not know where he was until after the war ended.  To find him she had to walk to Linz over the Alps in the winter — crossing the border without papers from Germany to find the Red Cross headquarters that listed POWs.

When he cam back we were all on welfare from 1945 to 1952.  In Germany people on welfare have to work — his job in winter and summer was to dig up the roots of huge trees that were destroyed during the bombing of Kassel. We all lived in one room in the home of a farmer who was ordered by the town to take in one refugee family. The bathroom was an outhouse.

In 1952, my father was 39 when we came to the US — we were sponsored by a Ukrainian family.  He had to work at Domino Sugar hauling 50 – 100 bags of sugar for 40 hours a week — they told him he could not get a raise because he did not speak English.  We all lived in a two rooms with no heat or hot water — a coldwater flat.  We thought we were lucky because we had an inside bathroom for the first time and did not have to use the toilet in the hallway shared by 4 other families.

In 9 years we owned a house in Queens and he was well on his way to a BA from the local college.  He worked as a senior structural checker whose meticulously drafted plans were used for hugh earth moving machines in Chile and Arizona and everywhere huge mining complexes were build.  His disappointment in life was that he could not become a social worker and journalist — one because of the pay and the other because none of us have figured out how to write something to get published.

So remember — when you think things are tough — you come from tough people who survived war and famine; people who lost home and country and were refugees and didn’t know the language.  And they made it to the next job.